11 Tips On How To Survive With A Non-Vegan Partner

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So, you’ve decided to go vegan and your partner isn’t too happy about it. They’re acting as if their world has collapsed and that the two of you will never be able to eat together again.

They may throw comments such as “Plants have feelings too. Do you not care about that?” or may suggest that you’ve been brainwashed by watching too many documentaries on Netflix.

Getting defensive is a basic human instinct. By adopting a new lifestyle, you’re introducing something new into your relationship that will affect both of you. Naturally, the other person may feel intimidated and the protection instinct kicks in.

Living with a non-vegan partner won’t be easy at first. You both will have to put in some work into your relationship. You can try some or all of the tips outlined below to see what works for your relationship to make living together a joyful experience.

1. MAKE IT ABOUT HEALTHIER CHOICES

Position your new lifestyle as being healthier. Position it as that you’ve decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle that will allow you to make better choices about what you eat and that you want to feel better about yourself.

This is really true – by eating more plants and vegetables as part of your regular meal is much healthier than eating animal products. Plants have plenty of protein without any cholesterol or saturated fat that you would normally get from meat and dairy. In addition, plants and vegetables contain complex carbohydrates, healthy fat, fiber and more vitamins.

If you position your choice as a healthy lifestyle to your significant other it will be very difficult for him or her to be negative and say that he/she does not want you to be healthy and feel good about yourself.

2. ASK FOR SUPPORT DIRECTLY

It’s been proven in the psychology field that when you ask people directly for something you are more likely to get it.

So why not ask directly?

Have a conversation with your partner about your decision. Say that you are trying a vegan lifestyle for the very first time and you want to make sure this is the right choice for you.

As in doing anything new in life, you’ll need his or her support throughout your journey regardless of what your partner thinks of your decision. Ask for their support directly and ask them to commit to it for the next 3 or 6 months.

3. SHARE A SIDE DISH AT DINNER

When I first decided to become a vegan my husband’s main concern was that we wouldn’t be able to have dinner together anymore.

Dinner is a very important time for the two of us. This is our “together” time every evening whether we cook together, reheat a meal or order a take-out. Most of the time it is the only 30 minutes during the day that we can spend with each other before we go fold laundry or some other adult responsibilities demand our attention.

I found that the best way to have dinner is to share a side dish. For example, if you’re having a black bean burger and he is having a meat burger, you can both share the fries.

I find that by sharing a side dish, be that a salad or mashed potatoes, helps bring the two meals together into one joint dinner. This will help take the negativity out from your dinner table.

4. MAKE A VEGAN DISH AS YOUR BASE MEAL 

This is honestly one of my favorite ways to cook together. For example, if you’re making a stir-fry for dinner you can add the noodles, the soy sauce and all the vegetables first. Then towards the end you can separate the dish into two batches and add tofu and your partner can add the beef or the chicken.

Making a vegan dish as your base meal has a lot of practical benefits as well.

• It will save you time and the money because you both will be using the same ingredients.
• The cooking process will flow more smoothly in the kitchen because you both won’t be running back-and-forth the fridge a million times to grab different ingredients.
• The clean-up will be faster as you won’t use 10 different pots and pans or 20 different utensils to make one meal.

5. BUYING MORE FRESH VEGETABLES WILL SAVE YOU MONEY

Vegan grocery shopping list is less expensive which should be good news for your partner. 

Vegetables cost less money than meat and dairy. Make sure to stick with whole foods and avoid processed foods. Whole foods are foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables, beans and legumes.

Processed foods and vegan junk food are chips, fake meats and any other products that have been processed or modified from other original state and have been pre-packaged.

If you are trying to live a healthy vegan lifestyle then you should stay away from as many processed foods as you can anyway. Processed foods tend to be more expensive than fresh fruits and veggies. So being a healthy vegan can be great for your wallet!

6. COOK TOGETHER 

Why not cook a meal together if your significant other is open to it? The best way to do it is to pick a day when you are not too busy and not in a rush, for example a Saturday night could be a good option.

Decide together on what you would like to make ahead of time. If your partner has no idea then give him or her a few options or brainstorm together. A few ideas are lentil burgers, falafels and eggplant “meatballs”.

Once you both have decided on the menu, write down the recipe and make sure you buy all the necessary ingredients ahead of time.

Also, estimate how much time it’s going to make the meal – this will help avoid any frustration in the kitchen. It should be an enjoyable experience and the least you want is to spend 3 hours making an elaborate meal and feeling exhausted afterwards!

By cooking a vegan meal together you’re inviting your partner into your “world” and showing that vegan food isn’t something exotic and can be made with every day ingredients that you both already eat! Cooking together will also allow you to spend quality time together as a couple – which is the best part!

7. HAVE YOUR PARTNER TRY ONE OF YOUR VEGAN MEALS 

If your significant other does not like to cook and the idea of cooking together isn’t appealing to him or her then simply have your partner try one of your vegan meals.

Let your partner know ahead of time that you would be making a vegan meal for both of you. I do not recommend surprising your partner and serving a vegan meal as a total surprise. This may come across as if you’re trying to convert them to becoming a vegan. They may perceive it as if you’re imposing your personal choices on them and it may make them defensive. They may even refuse trying anything vegan again.

Keep in mind that this may go either way. Your partner may either love the meal or hate it. And that’s okay. This is true for any meal, really. Keep in mind that this is just an experience and it’s only one meal out of a million other options you could have made and that life would be boring without trying new things. Just have a few back up options so that no one stays hungry: make a sandwich, hummus and chips or make a protein shake!

8. WHEN GOING TO EAT OUT, LOOK AT THE MENUS AHEAD OF TIME 

Going out to eat for a date night doesn’t have to be hard when you’re a vegan. Now, depending on where you are going, this may require a bit of research on your part ahead of time.

If you are newly vegan and you are still learning what you can cook and which foods to avoid then it maybe a little difficult in the beginning. It was difficult for me in the beginning too. It does get easier over time as you become well-versed on which ingredients are prevalent in which dishes (e.g. heavy cream is a base in many creamy soups) and which restaurants and cuisines have vegan-friendly options.

For example, let’s say you and your significant other decide that you both would like to go out for Mexican on a Saturday night. You can look at Mexican restaurants around your area and glance at their menus on Yelp to see if they have veggie tacos – most restaurants do! These veggie tacos or veggie fajitas may come with cheese, but it’s easy to just ask the waiter to leave the cheese and sour cream out. That’s it! Plus you can enjoy all the guac and salsa your heart desires.

I’ll give you a personal example that I thought was going to be one of the most challenging eating out experiences ever!

A few weeks ago my husband said that he really wanted to have some barbecue.

After I become a vegan, my husband has been very accommodating and every time we go out for dinner, he would pick a place that is vegan friendly. This time, however, I felt that he really wanted to go have some barbecue.

I said “Hey, let me just look online at their menu and see if they have some vegan options”. To my surprise his favorite barbecue place had a Portobello mushroom burger on the menu which was a vegetarian burger, however, when I ordered it I simply asked to exclude the cheese. I also ordered a side of fries and everyone was happy.

9. VEGANIZE A DESSERT AND SURPRISE YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

This is one of the things I feel confident about surprising your significant other. I find that dessert is not a complete meal and if he or she doesn’t like it then no one goes hungry.

In other words, it isn’t a big deal.

Make a dessert as a surprise on a Saturday or Sunday when you have a little spare time. Then surprise your partner saying that you’ve made a treat and would love him or her to try it. But don’t push too hard. If they don’t feel comfortable trying the dessert don’t force them. (means more left overs for you 😉)

10. HAVE A CHAT

If you still feel there is resentment and negativity after you let some time to pass by, sit down with your partner and ask how they feel.

Be open and kind towards them. You both love each other and the goal is to cultivate your strong relationship no matter what happens in life.

Ask them to share their feelings by directly asking your significant other about how they feel. Sometimes just talking about your feelings will help the other person feel understood and will help get rid of the barriers and resentment that have been built up inside.

After your partner describes their feelings, take note of them mentally and express that you understand them. If you can’t come up with solutions right away, you can both brainstorm on how to make certain things work together. Take this opportunity and express your feelings as well. Be respectful and remember that this is not the time to blame each other. You can also mention positive moments as well, do not only dwell on negatives.

Talking to each other openly will make both of you feel better. It intuitively expresses commitment to your relationship.

11. BE RESPECTFUL OF EACH OTHER

Every relationship is different. Some partners will adjust very quickly to you being a vegan. And even may become vegan themselves. Others may take longer. And this “longer” means different things…it could be months or even a year or two.

There is one underlying core to all strong relationships and as long it exists and you keep cultivating it, things will work out – it is RESPECT. If you and your partner respect each other’s decisions and choices, you will work out a lifestyle that works for you both.

It will get easier as time goes by. Time will also show your commitment. If you adopt a lifestyle and stick to it then people around you will pay attention and understand that it isn’t a fad and that you are serious about it. Your commitment will change their perception over time as well.

Living with a non-vegan partner will not be easy. But it doesn’t have to be hard either. Use these tips and strategies to find what works for your relationship.

My brand new cookbook is out on Amazon! It’s called “30-Minute Plant-Based Recipes” and it’s perfect for busy vegans. Grab it now!